JasonIsDaMan wrote:First of all, let me offer my condolences to Q and Drew for your losses.
Second of all, let me offer my condolences to anyone else on this board who suffered losses due to COVID-19. Whatever differences we may or may not have had about the Wolves/Twins/Vikings/Wild, you didn't deserve that and I wish you the best.
I do not know of a loss I have suffered in the truest sense of the word, but both of my parents were scheduled to have "pain-alleviating" procedures that were put on hold because the hospital said they needed "all hands on deck" to battle the COVID cases. I am in FL and they are in Hennepin County, so I don't get to see them much. They tell me they are not taking opioids, but even some of those OTC painkillers are really bad for you.
My experience with COVID-19 was not horrible. I may have had a weaker strain, or I have a good constitution, but it was just 4 days of sleep and distilled water (very slimming).
Now down to business. WolvesFan, you and I need to talk.
First of all, whether you want to believe it or not, Ted Turner is very much your kind of guy. And I have two stories that will illustrate that.
1) The first year he owned the Braves (1977), he fired the manager and appointed...himself. When Commissioner Bowie Kuhn caught wind of this, he told him to knock it off or he would withhold TV revenue and draft picks (You see, sports commissioners used to care, instead of functioning as the "31st owner"), so he rehired that manager, fired him at the end of the year, replaced him with Bobby Cox, who promptly decided to stop wasting future 2-time MVP Dale Murphy at C and moved him to RF (imagine that), and the rest is history that is easily researched and doesn't require doctored video on youtube at all.
2) Ted Turner used his cable holdings to absorb TIME magazine, a republican bastion just to left of the New Republic. He then used all that to acquire half of AOL. When Turner found out that AOL CEO Gerald Levin fudged the revenue numbers (which had never happened before, just ask the Bible), he called Levin an "Effin K-word" at a board meeting. (Yes, Levin is a hebrew last name. And that Bald Garden-Gnome named Levin you listen to everyday on your AM radio? Exactly)
Now to the part that involves your effort to perform cross-country fellatio on Rupert Murdoch.
In 1997, Murdoch began negotiations to buy the Los Angeles Dodgers. Then somebody thought "I know. I'll ask wallflower Ted Turner what he thinks". Turner gave a very measured response: "Look, I'll be fine because the Braves are on TBS. But these other teams who have games on FoxSports(Whatever) need to think about what they are creating." You see doctor, I don't know if word reached your holler, but the "Fox" in "Foxnews" is also the "Fox" in "Foxsports". And if you put your theenking cap on, you'll realize it makes zero sense for the owner of the San Fransisco Giants to try to get more local TV revenue from....the owner of the Los Angeles Dodger.
Murdoch's response to this was 3-Fold
1. I'm not a monster - Well, I know some analog cell phone users from England who would like a word.
2. "Turner snuck around" - Bullshit. Say what you want about Turner, but he doesn't do "sneak around". He told everyone from ESPN to CatFancy exactly how he felt.
3. He's just upset about my super-neato new cable "news" network and my new heart throb Bill O'Reilly - Possibly. But you have to give Turner credit. He at least used his brain instead of cutting and pasting Wikipedia pages, am I right?
Well, whatever Murdoch told the other owners worked and he was allowed to buy the Dodgers. He owned them 6 years and they didn't make the playoffs any of those years. To put that into context, CARL POHLAD'S TEAM made the playoffs twice, and would have made the World Series if someone besides Cory Koskie had showed up (Never got the credit he deserved. I mean Koskie, not Pohlad.) Turns out there is more to winning baseball games than making up stories about the other team.
He then sold the team. I seem to remember him needing the money to buy Manchester United (I don't know if word has reached your holler there Captain America, but Manchester United is a SOCCER TEAM FROM ENGLAND). I could research this, but I just realized something: In the last 10 minutes, I have posted more undisputed facts than you have your whole life, so I'm going to wrap this up.
To sum up, you "Bore False Witness" against complete stranger Ted Turner, which had zero effect on his life, to curry favor and/or cash (as if) from Rupert Murdoch, who wouldn't cross the street to pee in your mouth if you were dying of thirst AND he could find your holler on a map, all because Murdoch is head cheerleader for a President who would gladly use his "University" to steal all your money if you had any to steal, but instead hurt the feelings of a bunch of people who didn't deserve it. Nice work. And while we're on the subject: NICE AVATAR! So tell me something. If your guy is president, and your guys are in charge of the Senate, but the country is in "distress", what does that say exactly about your guys? And what's your plan two months from now? Openly weeping at the Veterans of Popular Wars?
The thing is, you are god-awful enough at sports that you don't need your crap politics. Your "Elite QB" post was inspired....by Jagrmeister. So what you're saying is the Vikes can pay Cousins $30m a year to throw the ball to the other jersey if they have an Elite RB (check), Elite coach (...Eh), and THREE-TO-FIVE HOF'S ON D (good players, not HOF's). And great Doug Williams reference. I can't speak to the TV reception in your holler in January 1988, but mine was crystal clear as a I watched Darrin Nelson drop a game tying touchdown pass on the game's final play, or you could have had Wade Wilson on your list. And yes, the NFL is 2020 is just like is was in 1980. Just ask New Orleans and Dallas.
This ends now, or you'll have (at least) one sworn enemy.
Now I know what you're thinking: "Of the 15 guys who get in drunk every Friday Night in the parking lot of my holler's Pizza Ranch, I have like the 5th coolest mullet and 8th coolest truck, so I'll be fine." Maybe. But is it worth the risk?
